Al Jezza here — your galactic correspondent, watching the strange theatre of human politics so you don’t have to.
Today’s headline: Putin Meets Trump — Without Zelensky. That’s right, folks, the two-man show nobody bought tickets for, but somehow it’s still playing. Picture it: a dimly lit room, a samovar on the table, and enough mutual ego to power a small black hole.
Putin sits there like a Bond villain on his lunch break, polishing his medals for “Most Strategic Shirtless Photo Ops.” Trump, meanwhile, is rehearsing lines from his favourite script — “The Art of the Self-Compliment” — pausing only to make sure the lighting flatters his hair… which is technically a separate geopolitical entity at this point.
And Zelensky? Oh, he wasn’t invited. Probably because he’s the one person in the region who might mention actual reality — and we can’t have that in the Fantasy Leaders Club.
Rumour has it, the meeting covered vital topics:
- How to keep your approval ratings up when your countries’ economies are down.
- New shirt designs for their joint merchandise line: Make Authoritarianism Great Again.
- Whether the Kremlin’s interior could use more gold leaf or just another Trump Tower wing.
When asked for a statement, the duo reportedly agreed: “We respect each other’s leadership styles… because they both involve firing people who disagree with us.”Meanwhile, back on Earth, ordinary humans are expected to pretend this isn’t a bizarre alternate timeline where reality TV scripts are now running foreign policy.
Stay tuned — next week’s episode may feature Kim Jong-un as a surprise guest. And maybe, just maybe, Zelensky will crash the party with a strongly worded speech and an invoice for damages.
Al Jezza out — sarcasm fully charged, jet fuel topped up.
